Biblical Information As Told By Children

Children were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Gentilels.
5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

wonderful AND rugged (thats how i like my jesus)

It’s when i let these words soak into my soul that this song really resonates within me. yey. A loved elderly pastor in my past loved this song and appeared rugged himself; like life's rain had aged the wood of the cross.

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suffering and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest & best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

REFRAIN:
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

O that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above
To bear it to dark Calvary.

(refrain)

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered & died,
To pardon & sanctify me.

(refrain)

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame & reproach gladly bear;
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I’ll share.

Blessings for a Flawed Follower

"By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was offering up his only begotten son..." ~Hebrews 11:17

While it might sound odd, one of the reasons I am such a big Old Testament fan is because in it I see God stooping down and redeeming flawed people time after time after time. It's not an account filled with mostly good people and an occasional problem child. No, the Old Testament is packed with murderers, adulterers, doubters, and others who threatened to war down even the most resolute to a nub. People also dealt with everything from relocation and recession to infertility and blended families. Some had it all; others lost all. If we can get past our presuppositions and familiarity with the stories, we'll see people dealing with the same things we face today. You think blended families are hard today? Think about blending two (or more!) wives with one husband! And if infertility is hard today, imagine dealing with it when the only treatment option was another wife. Yes, our lives are complicated, but in many ways [Genesis 11-25] takes "complicated" to entirely new levels!


And while our lives are hard, the verse at the top also takes "hard" to a whole new level. 

Excerpted from the book "Cookies on the Lower Shelf" 
Part I: Genesis through Ruth
by Pam Gillespie