Translate

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Truth & Humor

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:

"I have good news and bad news.  The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.  The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

=============================

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.  The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.  Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

=============================
 A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.  The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.  Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.  

"Reverend," said the young man, "Sorry about the delay.  It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”  The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean.  It's the same in my business."

=============================

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

=============================

Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.  There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, its morning."

=============================

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and could not find a space with a meter.  Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times.  If I don't park here, I’ll miss my appointment.  Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note.  I've circled this block for 10 years.  If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job.  Lead us not into temptation."

=============================
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

=============================

Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

For now, I will remain anonymous...

From a religious stand-point, I am Lost...

I ran across your blog and was intrigued. I haven't had a chance to go through it all as it is rather extensive. Perhaps some of my questions will be answered.

For now, however, I would like to pose a question to you about freedom of choice and how your God would define it...

I was raised a Catholic, although I haven't set foot in a church for years. I was raised to believe God is omniscient. By that, I mean God already knows everything: past, present, and future. Assuming this is true, how can we truly have freedom of choice? If God already knew I would stumble onto your blog and leave a comment, how can that be considered freedom of choice. I cannot have freedom of choice if God already knows how I will choose. In other words (unless I'm interpreting things wrong), my life, everything I think and have thought, everything I do and have done and will do, has already been written. If God already knows what I'm going to do, then I am just a puppet that cannot see the strings. If God can already see each and everybody's future, we are really just puppets who can't see the strings. The only way we can truly have absolute freedom of choice is if God doesn't know our futures either. But to accept that would mean God is not all-knowing and all-seeing.

It's already written that Satan will do certain things on earth before Christ returns. Does Satan have a choice? Or is the fallen-angel just a puppet? This is my quandry. How can us lowly humans have choice when, apparently, even Satan will "go through the motions" as it's written in the Bible?

I've sometimes heard the expressions: "I'm doing God's will" or "God put me on this Earth for a reason".

Don't expressions such as these alter our freedom to choose? Don't they just turn us into chess pieces?

I recall a certain e-mail I received regarding the 9/11 attack in New York. It talked about how little annoyances delayed certain people from getting to the World Trade Center on the day of the attack. Perhaps someone went back home to change their shoes, or they took a slightly different route to work, or they were sick that day. It said to "Thank God" for these little annoyances. It is because of these annoyances that certain people weren't at the WTC and thus, were spared death or disfigurement or trauma. After reading it, I asked myself, what about all the people that were in the WTC during the attack. If God chose to "spare" some people, as the e-mail implies, then all those others were sent to either die or be disfigured for suffer thru massive psychological trauma.

I am not looking for a fight or even a heated debate. It is not my intent to make fun of your beliefs. I actually envy people who are solid in their beliefs. A lot of my friends feel I think too much. I'm just trying to make sense of things. I just want some logical answers to questions that I have posed but haven't gotten solid answers to...

Please don't tell me I do have control over my own destiny because that is just not true. You can try to convince me otherwise, but there are just too many variables in life. We like to think we can control things, but we have absolutely no clue what will happen from day to day. I could leave work and be hit by a drunk driver. Then I am forced to ask, did God already write that? Did God see that coming? If God wrote it, then I had absolutely no choice in the matter. Absolutely no choice.

Freedom to choose is the biggest hurdle. I cannot understand how "freedom of choice" can co-exist with a God who already knows the outcome of everything. Please show me how I have freedom of choice.

Has the Book of Life already been written? Or is it being "written" as people live and die? Regardless of all that, does God already know which names will be there and which will not?

But please don't give a nebulous answer like: "God works in strange ways" or "There's a reason for everything" or "God has a plan". I know there is pain and suffering in the world, but I consider such answers to be nothing but cheap cop-outs. And again, as I said before, if we're all part of a larger plan, well... where does freedom of choice fit in? To say there's a plan only makes us chess pieces.

I look forward to your response...

Unknown said...

My dear Anonymous Friend,

First of all, thank you for coming forward and presenting me your questions. Your note was very well articulated. Most people would ignore their chance to ask questions and hope they’d be answered eventually in their own time. From a religious stand-point, I already care for you and know the Lord would want you to know He cares for you too. I think it is terrific that you “think too much.” You seek value in the things you allow to enter in your life. I admire & honor that.

Now on to my response on the “freedom of choice”… If God handled us like puppets, not saying that He is, wouldn’t He have “pulled the strings” to prevent Eve from accepting to eat the forbidden fruit? Let’s flash back to Genesis: because she did eat the fruit, God’s beloved children fell into sin and brought great sorrow to Him. In fact, it made God so upset He already had a plan in mind. He told the wicked serpent, “I will put enmity between the woman’s seed and your seed; He shall bruise you on the head, and you shall bruise him on the heel.” (Gen 3:15) God planned Jesus’ (“woman’s seed”) sacrifice to cover our sins so we could be acceptable and worthy of His kingdom, called Heaven. (I do not doubt your intelligence that you already may know this story.)

You asked if Satan has choice. He does indeed have a choice. Just because God knows our actions doesn’t mean He will interfere and force us to do certain things. He doesn’t force us to love Him – for that would not be love; it would be slavery. What person wants to force someone else to love them? We would know it was false love. God desires us to come to Him on our own account so He will know He has our true, sincere love. “This” is choice! Christians know full well they could turn their back on God and His will and do whatever they wanted to do. Does not the world do this all the time?!

Jeremiah 29:11 states, “ ‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’ ” This scripture address the odd variables in our lives that you spoke of. God may not write the bad things that happen in our lives, but He may allow them. Two different actions. Here is a quick clip from the book of Job:

Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job? No one else on earth is like him, a man of perfect integrity, who fears God and turns away from evil." Satan answered the Lord, "Does Job fear God for nothing? Haven't You placed a hedge around him, his household, and everything he owns? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions are spread out in the land. But stretch out Your hand and strike everything he owns, and he will surely curse You to Your face." "Very well," the Lord told Satan, "everything he owns is in your power. However, you must not lay a hand on Job [himself]." (Job 1:8-12)

I hope this answers some of the questions that lie in your heart. Please feel free to ask me anything that causes a stirring in your heart. You said you’d remain anonymous for now. My curiosity would eventually like to find out who you are. Again, God bless you for coming forward and having the courage to post your question. I hope this sheds light on this subject for you!

In His Name,
Stephanie

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my comment...

I am slowly making my way through your blog from the beginning. I have also read your response several times and will revisit it and the "freedom of choice" issue in the near future.

I guess it's only fair, however, that I give you a little background... Not necessarily about myself, but about what I think I know. Therefore, I will give you, in a nutshell, what I think are the basics of why we are here, and what we're suppose to be doing while we are here. And from you, I ask that you correct any assumptions that I've made. For, if I'm operating under wrong assumptions, my conclusions may be inherently flawed...

So... this is what I think I know...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

As a result of Adam and Eve eating the Forbidden Fruit, and thus, disobeying God, we are here on this Earth. We are on this Earth to be judged. We are all born with original sin, and thus, "separated" from God. God wants that none should perish. Therefore, He sent his only son to die for our sins. In other words, Jesus Christ suffered and died on the cross so that we wouldn't have to. The debt has already been paid. The only thing... The only thing God wants is our love... our faith. And in return, God will allow us into His kingdom for eternity.

We cannot make it to Heaven by good deeds alone. No... To obtain eternal life with God, we must acknowledge that we are sinners and separated from God. We must accept his Son, Jesus Christ, as our Savior, for it is only through Christ, that we may come to God; we cannot do it alone. And we must ask for the forgiveness of our sins. Of course, this must be done with absolute faith and sincerity. And God will know who is truly sincere, and who is not. This is all God wants. He is knocking on our doors. All we have to do is open the door and let Him in. We are His chicks, but we either refuse or are are reluctant to come under His wings. Some even argue that he's constantly communicating with us... it's just that we don't understand...

Because He wants our love to be geniune, He doesn't make himself openly known to everybody at once. By this, I mean he won't just rip open the sky and reveal Himself to us. Then our love for Him would be "coerced". It is true faith and love that will bring us to God. What God asks of us does not cost anything... it is totally free...

We have nothing to lose and everything to gain...

------------------------------------------------------------

That's it in a nutshell. I could have written more, but I'll wait for now. I just want to know if my foundation is more or less correct. Plus, I don't know if I there is limited space when commenting...

For now, though, do I have it more or less right?

One last thing. A lot of what I "know" didn't come from church or directly from the Bible. I don't know if you're familiar with the "Left Behind" series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins. It's a 12 book series which dramatizes what it might be like during the final days of Earth... during Armageddon. I absolutely loved the series. I've also read another less known series called the "Cloning Christ Trilogy." I can't remember the author. Completely different story-line, but "similar" in terms of events mentioned in the Bible. A Philosophy class I took in college is also where I draw information from.

I have much I want to write and ask...

That's it for now. I look forward to your response...

Unknown said...

WOW!!!

You know a LOT about faith/God/etc. without learning it directly from a church or Bible. You have listened VERY WELL to the teachings from your readings & classes. That is what I love about God – He reaches His “chicks” no matter where they are. Yes, I fully believe that He is knocking on your heart’s door based on the evidence presented in your letter. Remember that the Lord can reach people who have no Bible written in their language or people who are illiterate. I trust He’s reached you through the works of Christian authors and secular teachers. The Holy Spirit teaches the SAME thing to ALL people of ALL generations and ALL races!

I think you are correct in your understanding of your purpose as God’s child. You commented that we are on this earth to be judged. I want you to have a clear understanding of this judgment: for if you are a Christian, you will not be put to shame or be condemned (Romans 10:11). Another person has just left a comment about judgment on another posting of mine called, “We Will All Stand before the Judgment of God,” by John Piper. You might want to read this comment and/or article if you are concerned about how you will be judged by God. (It's good news; nothing scary!)

I would like to encourage you to attend a Christian church that is biblically sound in its teachings so you can continue to learn and be surrounded by those on the same walk as you. Even if you’ve had a negative experience with another church, it does not mean all others are the same. Trust me, there are people out there that think like you and desire to edify you and lift you up in life! If you pray, why don’t you ask God to reveal a church and/or Christian people to become friends with?

I am glad you found this website because it was written specifically for you! It was not created to shine the spotlight on me. It was created to shine the spotlight on Jesus Christ! I look forward to hearing from you again and learning about your new revelations. Take care, Dear Heart!

Anonymous said...

Again... thank you for responding...

I think I will read your blog (plus links) in its entirety, so it may be awhile before I contact you again, unless, you respond to this comment in such a way as to prompt another question from me.

You encourage me to attend a Christian church. I was raised a Catholic, but, as I've said before, I have lost touch...

Is there a particular reason you recommended Christian... as opposed to Catholic... Baptist... Protestant... etc. I know all these religions believe in God. Are there subtle (or not so subtle) differences among them? And if so, are the differences big enough to actually make a difference in connecting with God?

I don't know much about others such as Hinduism or Buddhism. I know they don't believe and worship as you do. Which is actually another one of my quandries. There are a lot of religions out there.

If I'm not mistaken, Jews also believe in God... but they don't believe Jesus Christ is the Savior. They are still waiting...

Anyway, I will be reading your blog...

Unknown said...

Dear Friend,

I am very excited you have chosen to read through my entire blog. It will be a lengthy, but rewarding process, I pray! I hope your heart melts and falls in love with Jesus as you read through the serious to silly entries.

The main reason I suggested a Christian church is that it is most often easier to find the support you need to nurture your relationship with Christ. Christianity is not about following rules and performing rituals. It is about incorporating a living, active relationship with Jesus into your life.

Which church to choose will be determined by availability and your location. There are many denominations to choose from, but having guidelines on what to look for will make the process easier. (Individual Protestant denominations have formed over very subtle theological differences. Other denominations are simply regional or ethnic expressions of the same beliefs.) The number one aspect you should look for in a church is its doctrine being biblically sound. Its mission statement or articles of faith should be excerpted from the bible, not man-made reasons to hold a church service. These are sometimes tricky to find. More modern and/or larger churches should have them posted on their websites.

I know you have lots on your mind, and a gazillion questions to ask. Feel free to email me at Stephanie.L.Hull@gmail.com anytime.

If you believe in your heart that God truly loves you and that Jesus died for your sins, and you accept this free gift, you shall be saved. Here is a personal prayer to begin a relationship with Jesus Christ:

Father, thank you for the free gift of eternal life. I know I am a sinner and need your forgiveness. I am sorry for my past sins, and I ask You to forgive me. Jesus, I believe You died on the cross for my sins and arose from the dead. I now open the door of my heart and invite You to come into my life. I realize there is nothing I can do to earn my salvation, and I place my complete trust in You alone for eternal life. I choose to follow You as my Lord. Please make me the person You want me to be. Amen.

Check the newest posting called “The Bridge Illustration.” Hope it helps. God bless you!

-Stephanie

Anonymous said...

I heard this joke on the radio once. I thought it was funny...

Q: How do you make Holy Water?

A: Put some water in a sauce pan. Put the pan on the stove. Turn the burner to HIGH and boil the hell out of it...